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on mulling over previous link
Nov. 22nd, 2009 12:08 amThe author of the post I linked to in my previous entry talks about the uncomfortable experiences she has had with unwanted sexual attention from men. Toward the end of her post, she writes the following:
This quote is just a tiny fragment of what the author has had to say, but this bit catches my attention like a snag. What intrigues me here is that this seems to be the exact opposite of the narrative I usually hear. The more familiar one goes like this: many women put on exaggerated feminine affectations and will even try to act "stupid" because, for them, sexual attention is a form of positive reenforcement. According to that narrative, these women are unable to feel personally validated except in terms of their sexual attractiveness, and as a result will lose track of their own identities in favor of presenting the one that other people want to see.
These two narratives seem like sides of the same coin, and I'm not sure which is more concerning.
"Sometimes though, maybe a few times a week, I'll think I might want to wear something more girly, like I used to, and I always, always decide against it because I don't want to deal with attention from pushy men. It's just not worth the effort. I don't know when the last time I dressed femme was, except that it was more than two years ago. And it sucks that I can't just do that without having to deal with unwanted sexual attention. If strangers talk to me, I tone down any feminine affectations to the point of probably seeming asexual or vaguely masculine.
"Why do I do this? Well, overall I'm happier this way than the alternative. When strangers talk to me, it's always innocent and friendly and not at all sexually charged. I feel considerably less threatened and I've experienced ZERO unwanted male attention since I started doing this. It's just really stupid that I have to do it at all, and I'd certainly be MORE happy if I didn't HAVE to do it, ALL the time."
This quote is just a tiny fragment of what the author has had to say, but this bit catches my attention like a snag. What intrigues me here is that this seems to be the exact opposite of the narrative I usually hear. The more familiar one goes like this: many women put on exaggerated feminine affectations and will even try to act "stupid" because, for them, sexual attention is a form of positive reenforcement. According to that narrative, these women are unable to feel personally validated except in terms of their sexual attractiveness, and as a result will lose track of their own identities in favor of presenting the one that other people want to see.
These two narratives seem like sides of the same coin, and I'm not sure which is more concerning.
